you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
