You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just invented taco cereal.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
