This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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