im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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