you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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