So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So apparently I’m into choking now
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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