I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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