worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
