we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
