When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
