First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
