Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize