a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
