to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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