just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize