It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
