Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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