Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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