I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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