Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
