after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize