I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
