nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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