So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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