We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
