So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
