The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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