she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
