I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
