She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My balls are so social today.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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