Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize