My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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