We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize