so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
