from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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