he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
