we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
