there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
