he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm bleeding and have questions
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
