omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize