how can u be prego again
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
