Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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