Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
