so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
