they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
