I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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