I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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