so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
