Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wish you could order shots online.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
