Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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