why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
