a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
