This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
