careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
