I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
