i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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