I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
