In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
