My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Randomize
