woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
