Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
